Discouraged

Sometimes life is a whirlwind of both wonderful moments with the people I love- laughing and celebrating each other's company- and an exhausting endless series of tasks and responsibilities that must be taken care of. And sometimes we don't get them done as thoroughly or efficiently or promptly as we could.

Today was one of those days. A little while ago I took a test that I'm sure I did not do well on. The professor handed out the tests, and I immediately sunk down in my uncomfortable seat with discouragement. Even after hours of studying, doing my best to memorize each graph and set of coinciding points, I did not do my best.
And of course, being the hard-on-myself person I am, upon the leaving the classroom my mind begins to race with the implications of my poor job:

"If I get a C in this class, grad schools won't accept me. C's are unacceptable. This means that all my others grades have to be A's to make up for it.

This must mean I'm not smart. Well, I know that's not true, but it didn't seem as difficult for others. Economics just isn't my thing. I'm a humanities girl. Give me an essay--not graphs and tables-- and I'm golden. Grad schools won't know that. All they'll see is a stark white transcript with an empty C on it.

Ugh, I am just so tired. Why did I stay up so late? Why must I always go hang out with friends so late at night instead of getting the sleep I know I need?

I'm a slacker. I'm a slacker, I'm a slacker, I'm a slacker.

And I'm still not done. I've got two more research papers due in the next week and a half, plus I'm leaving for Africa one month from today.

I hate feeling like this. I even just had a birthday. And it's crisp and cold outside, and Christmas is approaching. Why must I be bogged down with such academic worries while such a happy and holy season is coming?"

Yes, these are the thoughts that fill my mind, over and over again.

Life is just one big dichotomy.